News

Dec 3, 2008

Overlooked in the debate over abortion, and usually disregarded by pro-abortion activists for obvious reasons, is the impact having an abortion often has on the women who've experienced them.

A few years ago, psychotherapist Theresa Burke, who specializes in treating women dealing with post-abortion issues, wrote a book called Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion.

As a graduate student, she was taught that the very topic was verboten. Leading a support group for women with eating disorders, Burke learned that six out of the eight had undergone abortions. The other two had been sexually abused as children. Whenever the subject of abortion came up, Burke noted that it aroused intense emotions among the women, even as they strongly dismissed its potential impact on them. She decided to ask her supervising psychiatrist about pursuing it in therapy. The response? Drop it.

Spurred on by that experience, Burke decided to make post-abortion trauma her specialty. "As a society, we don't understand abortion," she writes. "We debate it. We pass laws about it. We argue about it as a moral and political issue. But we don't understand it as a life-changing experience. In that latter regard, grief after an abortion is neither expected nor permitted in our society. This is a great national tragedy." Burke now runs a program called Rachel's Vineyard which offers weekend retreats across the country to help heal people suffering from the trauma of abortion.

Burke writes that most women choose abortion in violation of their conscience. "Various studies have found that 65 to 70 percent of women seeking abortions have a negative moral view of abortion...[and] that 74 percent of those admitting a past abortion...personally believe abortion 'is morally wrong.'" But society, boyfriends, and especially abortion counselors often discourage women from listening to their consciences. Instead women are told that having an abortion rarely causes psychological reactions. One of Burke's patients was told by an abortion counselor that having an abortion is no more painful or risky than having a tooth pulled.

That's not the case, based on Theresa Burke's experience as a therapist. Nor is it the case for Michaelene Fredenburg, who learned firsthand that there can indeed be psychological consequences following an abortion. "When I was 18, I had an abortion," she writes. "I was completely unprepared for the emotional fallout." Fredenburg was overwhelmed by a range of feelings, from anger to profound sadness. She suffered in silence for years before finally seeking help from a trained counselor.

She also turned to her faith. "After years of struggling with self-destructive behaviors my experience brought me to church...but I often found myself thinking that if people sitting around me knew what I had done, they wouldn't shake my hand – and certainly wouldn't sit next to me."

So Fredenburg decided to try and help others in her situation. She has started an outreach to those whose lives have been affected by abortion called Abortion Changes You. "Many men and women who have experienced abortion have a sense that somehow God and the church are 'off-limits' for them. Some do find their way into church, but silently struggle to move forward in their relationship with God."

The Abortion Changes You outreach describes itself as "an invitation for people from all faith backgrounds who have experienced abortion – men, women, grandparents, siblings, other family members and friends – to discover that they are not alone and that healing resources are available." The goal is to offer experiences and resources allowing anyone affected by abortion to "begin taking the purposeful steps to wholeness and peace."

Fredenburg tells of her own experience, as well as the stories of many others, in her book, Changed: Making Sense of Your Own or a Loved One's Abortion Experience. The larger Abortion Changes You outreach includes an interactive website (AbortionChangesYou.com) where people can share their experiences with others. Reading through the entries is painful. There are common threads which run through many of them: guilt, depression, drug and alcohol abuse. One woman writes, "I cried for 20 years." And another, "My inside is like a giant hole. I don't think I will ever be able to be me again." Many express anger that they weren't given information about the psychological impact abortion often has.

The book and the website include tools and referrals for people seeking help. Available also are pastoral tools for ministers and lay leaders, along with information on local counseling resources, including biblically based support.

Fredenburg believes it is never too late to heal. "Whether the abortion happened recently, or years ago, there is always hope." And as Christians, it's important to remember that there is always forgiveness.

That reminds me of Dr. Timothy Keller's book The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism. Keller believes that Christians too often behave like moralists, wrongly believing that God's love for them is based on their behavior. (See Marcia Segelstein's column: "Are you a Christian or a moralist?") Keller's book warns Christians of the smug self-righteousness that often accompanies such an attitude, and reminds us that we are saved not by ourselves or our actions, but by sheer grace. Perhaps it was smug self-righteousness that Fredenburg sensed around her in church, making her feel that people wouldn't want to shake her hand or sit near her. How easy it is to forget that we are all sinners. And how difficult it is sometimes to accept forgiveness.